Grah ! No updates for long time !

I don't really have time to do a full acount of anything now, either, but things are good...

Without school happening, and me not being near Natasha (my computer), I can't exactly do any school work so I'm rather forced to have some fun and relax with friends and family. And I am ! Good for me.

If I don't manage to write anything again before the new year, let me wish you a happy and joyous one. Be well, be good.

I still have yet to recover my sleep from those last insane days of school, but other than that, I'm feeling pretty good today. Yesterday, after almost forgetting that I had a lunch date with Eldygar, I managed to hoof it to Tokyo Sushi only about ten minutes late. We sat in there for something around two hours, eating and talking and laughing before window shopping our way back to my house. He met Willi and she made quite the impression on him, hussy that she is, and he looked at my sketch book and Alloisius' lip synch. He's a wonderful person and very entertainng... he's also very astute, though he'd probably look shocked and not believe me if I told him that. A very good fellow, indeed. I gave him a ride to Bathurst station around six o'clock, and then I drove down to Heretic for a final fitting of my coat. It's... amazing.

I drove all the way back up to Al and Carrie's at the top of the city for some D&D fun, and boy was it ! Gosh. Normally I'm not a big fan of straight up slash and hack, but we did a really good job of it. It's been a very entertaining campaign, so far, and I'm enjoying playing Velkyn as a young, fresh-on-the-surface, drow. She lacks the confidence in so many things, but her sense of self-preservation is already marked, as well the complexities of her beliefs... Because she never speaks about herself to anyone, even to the point of never telling someone her real name, she exudes a sort of typical stereotype: dangerous, angry drow. She's far more complicated than that, though, and now while she's younger and unable to school her responses as well as she can in maturity, some of it comes out. Most people just think she's got issues, but in fact, she has a very strong concept of herself and her place in life. Really, she has no issues at all. It's good stuff.

Tonight, Rick and I are picking up Mom's new computer, then driving out to Stoney Creek for dinner. I've got to go out and withdraw some money, then pick up a plant for the Wissenzes. I sort of feel lame bringing a plant, but I really can't afford to get into presents for the whole family, you know? Anyway, it will be nice to see them.

Tomorrow I'm going to work, which isn't terribly exciting, I suppose. It will probably be busy, it being the last full shopping day before Christmas. Well, there's the 24th, I guess, but many people work that day, and some stores aren't even open a full day, so anyway. I'll bring a book just in case, but a busy day is good for business. Then I'll come home, pack up my things, perhaps write one last weblog entry until after Christmas, then stuff Willi into a case and shlep her and my stuff off to the Petes.

In any case, since I may not be here to write tomorrow:

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night !" Also, drive carefully, be responsible, and remember, Christmas is a holiday of good cheer and peace. This should affect every-day life, but since we all forget that, at least for this season now, be at peace, and in good spirits.

Best wishes,
Maya

Okay. Things have gone from bad to worse. Nothing is working for me now, just when I feel like I'm on the cusp of functionality, something else fucks right up. I abandoned the advanced arms because they were screwing up, but now I can't even get my skeleton to work properly.

I've had it. HAD IT.

It's nearly 3:30 in the frickin' morning, and no one here can think of why my skeleton is screwing up. It's not because I'm duplicating things. I'm not. I get arm flipping regardless. If the hands don't flip when I attach the IK handles, then the arm flips when I attach the pole vector. THIS IS NOT supposed to happen. I've emailed Daniele about it, and hopefully he'll be able to help me, or maybe Nick can... regardless, I won't be able to get really down and dirty with this shite until January.

FUCK.

Okay, breathing.

Now, if only my CD would burn a little quicker so I can get home to spend some precious hours in bed with my stinky cat who will no doubt keep me up all night. I get to sleep in on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thank God. I'll get to sleep in the following Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, too. I'm taking a bunch of books and my miniatures home. Damn it, I'm going to have FUN.

Please let this come together... please, I don't want to fail. I want to do well so that I can have a real life and stop selling clothes and putting up with bullshit at the ROM. I want to be creative and be paid for it. Is that so much to ask for?

I want an appartment from which I won't be evicted... I want to be able to say, "Yes, after all this schooling, I'm finally doing something. I've arrived !"

That day cannot come soon enough.

In this moment of frustration, it seems fitting that I write a little in my weblog, just to keep any unwashed masses that might be reading it, something fresh. Alloisius is not coming along nicely. I fear I'm doomed. There seems only one solution, and that is doing him again, except that would mean doing his blendshapes and lip synch all over, too. But he's really not moving nicely. One way I could fix him, I think, is to stay very focused on his face in the final edit. His lip synch IS good. Really good. It made Daniele say, "Wow," which is special, especially since I had never done my own synch before. I think that will be the only solution, now that I think about it. I don't have the time to redo him. Period.

Last night, of course, "Fellowship of the Ring" opened, to much (and well deserved) aclaim. I was, of course, there - many of those who know me, might think it strange at my eagerness to see the film considering how late I came to read the book (this past year) and by my disdain for Tolkien's lack of worthwhile women. Anyway, I was there, semi-garbed, even. I wore one of my traditional puffy-sleeved shirts (the one with the soft sleeves), a velvet vest, my black dragon-spiked arm-greaves, and my cloak. The rest was just black pants and docs. The usual. I was sorry to note that in the whole theatre, I was the only one in garb. I guess people downtown are just too cool for that.

I'll skip over the jerks who took some people's seats in the row behind us, because they only made us (being myself, Rick, Ryan, Al, and Carrie) mad, and finally after the management was called, they sorted things out. Or didn't, anyway, the fuss stopped and the lights went dark. I will now say what Nick said to me, because he was dead on: "They got it right." Sure, the film was not entirely true to the text. Okay, some purists might not like some things being left out, and other things being adapted, but... wow. They got it right. And it was... so... right. I might go see it again tomorrow with a MUD friend (Eldygar) after we do lunch, but perhaps not. He saw it today and wasn't entirely sure he loved it... I suppose he's a purist. Oh well.

Time for me to return to making do with Alloicius. *sigh*

It's one of those days, you know? The sort that might never end. I'm at school, I've just eaten a thing of Booger King french fries, and amazingly, they weren't soggy, but that doesn't mean they were delicious...

Anyway, I completed Alloisius' lip synch earlier today and it's EXCELLENT. Unfortunately, I did not adequately make sure his model would function once bound to the skeleton... and, well, it doesn't. I'm now learning the amazing skill of faking it. Not a useless skill, actually, quite the opposite, but still frustrating. Daniele and I calculated how many hours I will likely have to put into this project, and we figured around 20-25, which means I'll be here for several more hours tonight, and I'll probably put in a 16 hour day on Thursday, too. Crap.

I'd put in some good work time tomorrow evening, as well, but heck, it's "Fellowship of the Ring" ! Gosh, that's exciting.

Hey, and in other news, a week from today, it's going to be Christmas. Now THAT is crazy. I never believed, when I was a kid, how adults always lamented the speed at which time flies. I believe it now. Yessir, I sure do. It's a little scary.

I've been depressed today. All the snow melted and it drizzled all day. It was horrible. My mother sent me an email about SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), which was fairly well timed to my malaise. Perhaps I need a light visor. All the kids'll want one.

Unfortunately, just at this moment, I looked up at Veronica (aka. Scabies) the palm tree that I rescued from Neil Young (a noctural architecture student at UofT) five years ago. It seems Scabies has been affected by SAD, as well. It's horrible. She's been dying and I couldn't see it. I fear she's rotted from the inside. One of her limbs seems to have collapsed in on itself and her still bushy head has flopped over. The other limb seems to be approaching the same fate. It makes me sad.

She was a good tree.

I just got back from doing things with Nick, and previous to Nick, with Rick. Naturally, after D&D (which was super fun - it's been a while since I played with less than seven people), Rick spent the night. It was good, though marred by my dreaming of pimples in my armpits. I. Don't. Know.

Nick met me at the eeval UofT bookstore, where I'd been searching for one, or ANY, of the books that David wanted for Christmas. *sigh* A bit frustrating, that search, but I will try again tomorrow, when I run a bunch of errands that I didn't get to today because I was seeking books. Anyway, we tried the World's Biggest Bookstore and Indigo, to no avail, but as I said, I will try once more tomorrow. Following that, we walked back to my place, where we are now, foot-sore and in good spirits. I haven't made it to school yet tonight, and as it's going, might not, now. Nick's brought out his CDs and I'm finally sitting down... and I like it.

On the way home, we ran into some Orthodox Jewish fellows who were standing outside their Campervan. I looked at Nick and my eyes lit up when I realised they were... Lubavitchers ! Naturally, they stopped us and asked us if we were Jewish, and Nick said yes, at which I must have looked fairly surprised - he IS, technically, well that and Lutheran, but since he's sort of an atheist, it's all a bunch of tasty foods to him. I said yes, too, and was presented with a box. A menorah, because, this is the last night of Hanukkah (a spelling I prefer because I like the letter K, rather than Chanukah). I accepted the box and offered up a donation (thanks Nick), and went on our way. Apparently there are actually TEN Mitzvah Mobiles in the area, but I'd never seen one in Toronto before. Yay for the Lubavitch Jews !

When we got to my house, I decided to open up the box and celebrate the last night of Hanukkah, as I ought to. The menorah looks NOTHING like the one on the box, not really surprising, for something technically free. Anyway, this one is much, much niftier ! It's so tacky and ... tin. It came with candles, though, which is a very nice touch on their part. I used my last match to light the shamesh candle... and then the match flickerd out. Bah. Being the sketchy poor student I am, on Nick's suggestion, I used the gas range in my kitchen to light the candles. Presently, due to the menorah being cheap and my having little on which to set it that would, a) not set something on fire and, b) not cause wax to drip everyhere, the whole thing's burning in my sink.

BURNING IN MY SINK. I think that out to be an album name.

Anyway, when I'd said the blessing over the candles and we'd set them into the sink, Nick said, "This is the BEST Christmas EVER !" And we were pleased.

The End.

What a wonderful day I had yesterday !

First of all, in the slow moments at Heretic, I got almost all of my Christmas cards done, which is impressive, since I'd thought no one was going to get anything from me. Granted, they will all arrive late to their destinations, but whatever, I know I'm not alone in my tardy mailing. Around 1:30 in the afternoon, it started to snow. First it was just light flurries, but as the hours wore on, it began to snow harder and harder, eventually coming down in near blizzard amounts. It was awesome. Much like my Christmas cards, the snow was also about two weeks late.

I took the streetcar from work up to Bloor, then walked through the wet, driving (wonderful !) snow to the Church, I think it's St James, but I could be wrong, where I met Rick. We went in and enjoyed a marvelous concert of later Mediaeval and early Renaissance Christmas music, of both sacred and secular variety. I was pleased that, on the whole, the Toronto Consort hasn't changed in the twelve years since I last attended. The music is excellent, and the audience is lovely. It was an enchanting concert.

Following that, Rick and I went for sushi, which was delicious. Tokyo Sushi on Bloor is the BEST sushi restaurant in all of Toronto. I've eaten in seven or eight, but this one wipes the floor with them. I don't include Masa in this, though, because that's a formal Japanese restaurant, and it's in a completely different catagory. Anyway, following dinner, we walked home through the snow, enjoying the rather warm air.

I ate some snow off one of the fruit trees growing on Ulster near my house, which Rick thought was odd. Clearly, he was never a snow eater, and frankly, if you're going to eat snow, the stuff stuck on tree branches is probably the cleanest around. It was so fresh and tasty ! We dropped off our bags at home and went back out to take some photos in the winter night. Rick took one of me eating snow. *laugh* Fitting, I guess.

It was a splendid evening.

Today, of course, I'm in school. I'm working on Alloisius' blendshapes - the facial movements that will become his lip synch and expressions. I'm becoming sort of attached to him, which is pretty neat. He's got a lot of personality. I bet he'd get along with Sam the Eagle very well. Anyway, hopefully, before I leave tonight - at a reasonable hour - I'll have gotten started on his lip synching. Which, hopefully, I'll have finished by the time I leave the school again tomorrow. I'll be coming in Sunday, for sure, once I've finished Christmas shopping. I'll probably come in Monday night, too. I want to have his animation FINISHED by the end of the week. There isn't a lot of likelihood of this happening, but that is my goal.

Tonight, it's off to D&D at Al and Carrie's new apartment. The party voted to go a-thievin' in the big city, which should be fun. Half the group couldn't come today, though, so four of us will have to do where six or seven of us would have been better. I'm excited though. I'm hoping this experience is what pushes Velkyn into the nether regions of the rogue. She's still a cleric, though definitely a nefarious one. Whee !

Okay, now, just so you know, the reason this entry is coming so late in the day is because the server at school crashed. Naturally, this being Saturday, the resident Tech (geek) isn't here to fix it. I think there are three of them, as it stands, NONE are present, so... no posting of weblog entries.

Just so you know.

What a wonderful day I had yesterday !

First of all, in the slow moments at Heretic, I got almost all of my Christmas cards done, which is impressive, since I'd thought no one was going to get anything from me. Granted, they will all arrive late to their destinations, but whatever, I know I'm not alone in my tardy mailing. Around 1:30 in the afternoon, it started to snow. First it was just light flurries, but as the hours wore on, it began to snow harder and harder, eventually coming down in near blizzard amounts. It was awesome. Much like my Christmas cards, the snow was also about two weeks late.

I took the streetcar from work up to Bloor, then walked through the wet, driving (wonderful !) snow to the Church, I think it's St James, but I could be wrong, where I met Rick. We went in and enjoyed a marvelous concert of later Mediaeval and early Renaissance Christmas music, of both sacred and secular variety. I was pleased that, on the whole, the Toronto Consort hasn't changed in the twelve years since I last attended. The music is excellent, and the audience is lovely. It was an enchanting concert.

Following that, Rick and I went for sushi, which was delicious. Tokyo Sushi on Bloor is the BEST sushi restaurant in all of Toronto. I've eaten in seven or eight, but this one wipes the floor with them. I don't include Masa in this, though, because that's a formal Japanese restaurant, and it's in a completely different catagory. Anyway, following dinner, we walked home through the snow, enjoying the rather warm air.

I ate some snow off one of the fruit trees growing on Ulster near my house, which Rick thought was odd. Clearly, he was never a snow eater, and frankly, if you're going to eat snow, the stuff stuck on tree branches is probably the cleanest around. It was so fresh and tasty ! We dropped off our bags at home and went back out to take some photos in the winter night. Rick took one of me eating snow. *laugh* Fitting, I guess.

It was a splendid evening.

Today, of course, I'm in school. I'm working on Alloisius' blendshapes - the facial movements that will become his lip synch and expressions. I'm becoming sort of attached to him, which is pretty neat. He's got a lot of personality. I bet he'd get along with Sam the Eagle very well. Anyway, hopefully, before I leave tonight - at a reasonable hour - I'll have gotten started on his lip synching. Which, hopefully, I'll have finished by the time I leave the school again tomorrow. I'll be coming in Sunday, for sure, once I've finished Christmas shopping. I'll probably come in Monday night, too. I want to have his animation FINISHED by the end of the week. There isn't a lot of likelihood of this happening, but that is my goal.

Tonight, it's off to D&D at Al and Carrie's new apartment. The party voted to go a-thievin' in the big city, which should be fun. Half the group couldn't come today, though, so four of us will have to do where six or seven of us would have been better. I'm excited though. I'm hoping this experience is what pushes Velkyn into the nether regions of the rogue. She's still a cleric, though definitely a nefarious one. Whee !

Okay, now, just so you know, the reason this entry is coming so late in the day is because the server at school crashed. Naturally, this being Saturday, the resident Tech (geek) isn't here to fix it. I think there are three of them, as it stands, NONE are present, so... no posting of weblog entries.

Just so you know.

Happy birthday trans-Atlantic radio ! Today (I haven't gone to bed yet, so it's still Wednesday to me) was the anniversary of Marconi's experiment... the event that linked Europe with North America with the wonderful new invention: The Radio. So, one hundred years after the world was linked in a way no one had thought possible only years before, where are we?

We are in a world full of people that hate other people. One hundred years after Marconi, this wondrous thing allows us to hear instantaneous reports of our hatred for our fellow human beings.

Of course, into everyone's collective mind, flies images of Afganistan, of the ruined World Trade Centre. Perhaps Israel and Palestine come to mind. Perhaps events further in the past; segregated South Africa, or ethnic cleansing (isn't that a nice way of saying holocaust and genocide?) in Rowanda, or Serbia et al. Maybe you remember the Second World War. Maybe. Everyone can identify at least one event related to one group of people's hatred for another. Unless it directly affects our lives, we go about our apathetic way, not really being moved one way or another who is being hurt or for what reason.

Hatred is a stupid, petty thing. It takes many forms from an intense dislike of something or someone, to a visciousness concerning a person's religion, race, or orientation. Hatred is everywhere. I don't know if it can be beaten, eradicated... people keep on hoping, and people keep on hating. Radio also gave us hope: against anger, corruption... hatred. It gave us humour and pleasure, but still, when we hear the news, that is not what comes to our ears. Sadly. Politics is loveless, but often hate-filled; death-tolls and grief fill the reports. Where is the balance?

I don't frequently open up my bible. I have one, sure. I stole it from my highschool English class. Ironic, isn't it? Anyway, I'm not really one for Bible thumping, or even reading (though the Old Testament is one heck of a good story), but since my bible is care of the Gideons, I figured they'd point me in the direction of some parable or something related to hatred. They did. Rather than typing out the rather uninspired later day translation of the text I have before me, let me instead direct you to a link:

Jesus said: " You have heard that it was said, `Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. " - Gospel of Matthew 5:43-48

It is good advice regardless whether you are Christian or not. Whether Jesus said that, or someone made it up - that doesn't matter either. Pretend that it was just some guy (or gal) speaking emotionally, from the bottom of his (her) heart, desperate to stop the hatred. To stop the hurt.

Today, I was saddened when a woman came into the store and admitted her hatred for me.

I was open to this woman that came in asking about Norse runes and literature about Norse religion. I was as helpful as I could be, explaining that I was not a Pagan and did not in fact know as much about the pantheons as I should. I explained that I was Jewish when she asked me why not, wary, I supposed as many Pagans can be of the biblical faiths. I pass no judgement on the faiths of others and I expect the same in return. I knew that she wouldn't buy anything, she admitted to be sheltered at the Salvation Army and I felt my helplessness that I could not help her. I laughed when she told me about how the Chaplains there reacted when she cast runes, about how they disapproved of her Pagan ways, leaving bible tracts on her bed each morning. I agreed with her when she lamented how religious freedoms did not extend to within the shelter. She shook her fist and we laughed.

I did not laugh when she told me she was a neo-nazi. I did not laugh when she told me her two most sacred possessions was her book on Norse religion and mythology and 'Mein Kampf'. I did not know how to react. I suggested she probably shouldn't discuss her white-supremacist beliefs in the stores on Queen St as she was not likely to garner a warm welcome. Though she would change the topic, she would always revert to it, commenting on the desecration of synagogues and the like. She called herself a skin head, and I thought bleakly of my baby-sitter's skin head friend who explained to me when I was ten years old that "just because a person is a skin head, doesn't make them bad or a nazi." I remembered his promise and stared at this woman. I felt no hatred toward her, though I did feel discomfort and anger. I am no perfect model - I can be judgemental - but while I can disapprove, I try not to tell another how they should live. I would never tell another that their beliefs were wrong, even if they were disagreeable. Beliefs are beliefs; they are personal. And I certainly did not know how to handle someone who, in the nicest way possible, was telling me that Hitler was right in his purpose, that my faith and my people were not worth allowing to live.

For twenty minutes, I wracked my brains for some way to get her to leave the store. I didn't want to upset her, if only to protect the store from her or her friends' unwanted attentions. Neo-nazis have an unpleasant way of enacting justice when they feel wronged, and as much as she was wronging me, I would NOT do the same. So, I ran over options in my head and grunted noncommitally when she looked my way for response. I considered phoning the owner, "Hi Sandra, there's a neo-nazi in the store and I can't get her to leave..." but didn't think that would be terribly helpful. Finally, as I was getting desperate, a beautiful blonde woman strolled into the store. She was so beautiful, I figured she had to be a man, but I wasn't sure. I asked her if she was looking for anything particular and she replied no. The nazi asked, "Are you a Pagan?" The woman replied a simple no and the nazi nodded, "Oh, just curious?" The woman raised an eyebrow and shook her head, "No." I finally opened my mouth with what I thought might be a good way to ask the nazi to leave, but just then, the door opened and five of the queeniest men walked in. The neo-nazi paled and, waving (how genial of her, since she knew I was not interested in what she had to say), left the store.

I explained to the men what she'd been up to since she'd come in, and vented my frustration, especially since I am one at whom she targets her hatred. One of them struck a pose and grinned, "That little neo-nazi must have had her GAYdar going wild when we boys came in... We scared her away... GRRR !" And we all cheered, including the beautiful woman (who turned out to know all of these fellows and indeed, was actually a drag queen), and then I said, "You know how frustrating it is to have to figure out a way to be rid of a neo-nazi, and not know how... and on top of that to be a Jew?" And they all groaned, one of them hopping over to the counter and saying, "Hey, not only am I gay, but I'm Jewish too !" And we high-fived.

They ended up spending another fifteen minutes in the store, cleansing it of her hate-filled aura, filling it with mirth and humour. And yet, not one nasty word was uttered between the seven of us concerning the nazi. They stayed to make sure she didn't come back, which was wonderful of them, not that it was really necessary, but just in case. "You never do know," one of them told me, petting my arm. Even so, approximately half an hour later, the lot of them went past the store once more and each one of them looked in to make sure that I was alright. I cannot explain the strength I felt from them, they refreshed me and reminded me that the regardless of what others feel toward me does not make it so. In simple words, a light touch, and a promise of security, these men showed me that sometimes, no retaliation was necessary.

So, Marconi, you opened up the world with your radio experiences, a world sometimes filled with hate, and sometimes with hope, but today I found a remedy to the hatred of another right in the store where I work. Five men and a cross-dresser soothed my shaken world, cooled my ears burnt from sentences half-finished. Perhaps there is no end to hatred, but there is yet hope, and maybe it should be that Hope which becomes our focus. I don't know what Marconi thought his experiment might achieve, but one hundred years later, it still has not realised its fullest potential. The days of radio are not waning; it may yet change the world anew.

Let us hope.

Okay, yet again it's been a few days since my last entry. I was in Peterborough visiting Mom and doing the Hanukkah (Chanuka) dance. Okay, it's not a dance, but whatever. It was great. Saturday was a super good day in school and then I met Mom and Ray at the Manchester Arms under the Northern District Library. I like that pub. When I actually lived in that neighbourhood, I was under age so I never had the chance to try it. VERY good chilli. Julie's friend Evelyn's daugher, Leala, was launching her wonderful kids book, "Patches Finds a Friend", illustrated by her, as well. It was delightful. Mom and I both bought a copy. Julie came with Jerzy and Tanya and David, and she was in fine form. She's looking so good these days, I just can't express what a joy it is to see her. Last May, I wondered if she would survive, and now, I wonder when she'll be walking. Following the book launch, we picked some stuff up at my house and then drove to the Petes for a party at Dave's house. That was good fun, too. Exhausting day. Utterly.

Sunday, I crashed. Not only did I sleep late (until noon), but then I went BACK to bed because of a headache. Not a migraine, per se, but I imagine that after a spring is stretched and then snapped back, it would have a headache much the same. If it had a head. Anyway, I did loads and loads of laundry, and we had our First Night of Hanukkah dinner and lit the candles. I gifted Mom with some albums: Puccini's Madama Butterfly as well as Undrentide by the Mediaeval Baebes. She got me a Pooh nightshirt (whee !) and a VERY cool book called 'Tornado Alley' about the storms that ravage Oklahoma, Kansas, and Texas, mostly. Following that, I put up our Christmas village - yes, I know. Two faiths can make a month like December (or one like April) quite confusing. The village is always my job, and many of the tiny people that live in it were made by my childish fingers fifteen years ago.

Monday saw me doing more laundry and reading. Horribly exciting, I know. A well deserved break.

Today, Justin leaves for his holiday with his family in Holland. I'll be happy to spend a week and a half in the house without him. He's a dear. I love him, but honestly, every time I think about the eviction notice and his reluctance to help us fight - and before that, his screwing me for Diane's apartment - I get tense. I don't think he thinks ahead, or as part of a household. Him jumping ship when the rest of us were planning to fight, not only weakens our position, it makes my fight almost worthless. If we win, I have to carry the apartment alone. I could maybe do that for a couple of months, but then I'd need another roommate, and with the eviction only postponed, I'd never find one. It may soothe his mind that Glen wants to 'take care of me' by living with me, but hello, not going to happen. I don't want a roommate any more. I am NOT a landlady, and somehow, most of my 'mates seem to view me as one. No good. No more. Hey, that turned into a mini rant, didn't it. Whoops.

I'm hungry.

So, Maya, how was Temple? Well... it's sort of hard to discribe all the things it was. 'Weird' doesn't go far enough to describe how I felt.

What none of us knew, was that it was going to be a song service. I'd like to remind everyone that the last time I sang a Hebrew song... I was 13, and it was the Hatikvah - so that doesn't really count. The previous time I'd sung a Hebrew song was, well, I'm not sure. I probably did some singing at the family services when I was eight and nine, but the last time I actually recall opening my mouth, singing, and knowing what I was singing... Um, I think I was five.

FIVE.

I was even younger when I sang Shabbat songs in Jewish school. And yet, prayers and songs I hadn't sung in twenty years were dug out of my early childhood memories, mostly rellegated to my subconscious these days, and I sang them. And I remembered them. And it made me cry.

In reading the translations beside the Hebrew (that I cannot read), I realised that a lot of what is sung, I don't believe. It's not the faith or the absolute belief in God, that I don't believe in, because I certainly do have faith, and I certainly do believe in a higher power, rather the way in which it directs these things. I was pleased to note, however; that where in many writings (even the reformed writings), where it normally would say 'forefathers' leaving the mothers right out of it, this one mentioned Sarah, along with Abraham, etc. Yay, for equal representation.

Following the Shabbat service, which was... nice, we receited Kiddush and drank the wine and broke the bread. There was also a light dinner of hummus and pita and various salads and fruits to eat (yummy, stuff). There were some interesting people there, though, mostly everyone was in the upper age group (it was for 20-30s), or older. Weird. Susan and I were agreed that it was a bit of a Jewish meat market, with these older men accosting us with discussions of politics. I sat with Hillary (like Clinton, she said), the Rabbi's wife for a while. Apparently Rabbi Goldberg and his wife are Brooklyn Jews too ! Anyway, politically and intellectually, she was very good conversation. I had begun to believe that Jews were making a slide toward the right, but it seems that American Jews remain as left-wing as ever. However, I thought it tactful and best, not to bring up Israel, even with her. I'm really on the wrong side of that one, it seems. We were all invited to a pro-Israel rally, but you know? BAD ISRAEL. Israel is good. What Israel is doing is... less good.

Seeing Anne was interesting too. Apparently, despite she and Annabelle having been best friends for most of their lives, Annabelle has become 'too good' for Anne, cutting her out of her life. Sick. Especially since this happened following Anne's spinal injury. Anne was hit by a car while finishing up her dissertation in Paris, and had to come home. Now she walks with a brace and two canes, hunched over because the rods in her back were placed poorly. Anne seems to be dealing with it well, and healing, slowly. She's strong, you know? We never were friends in highschool, but I have an enormous amount of respect for Anne, and after seeing her last night for the first time in a year and a half, my esteem for her has only grown.

I ended up having to bail on my nacho date with Justin, not that he hasn't bailed on me before... regularly. Afterward, Anne went off with her older male groupies to a cafe, and I went with Susan and her friend, Suzy (I kid you not), back to her house to look at some old photos and chat.

It was an interesting evening, and we all agreed that we'd go back, though not necessarily to the one at Holy Blossom, just because the crowd was a little too old for us. Apparently, the one held downtown has a much younger group, which isn't surprising, since most 20-30s Jews have left North Toronto in favour of living downtown. They do eventually move back uptown when they have a family, of course, but uptown is boring for the young professional intellectual. All in all, it was an interesting and kind of fun night.

The Powers that Be have sent me another message, in the form of a migraine headache. All my stress about needing to get my assignments done for today, for school, became moot as I came down with the fully fledged headache sometime around 11pm last night. I'd developed some very low-grade pain while at work, but the insanely busy day kept me somewhat distracted. Unfortunately, by the time I discovered that West Wing was a rerun, and opted to vege unhealthily in front of "Behind the Music: Megadeth", I was starting to feel my brain chug to a halt.

I should have known what was coming when all day at work I was knocking things over and having communication problems. My co-ordination always goes through the tubes just before a migraine, and my sense of smell heightens. I was smelling fumes that no one else was smelling:

"Do you smell butane?"
"No, why?"
"I swear I can smell butane."
"Weird. Maybe close the door."
"Ya, good idea."

It did not help, either, that when I went to bed nice and early (well, for me - around 12:30am), Willi insisted on demonstrating all of the unique paw-to-paw passes that she'd taught herself lately. I have never seen her play with her stinky spotted mouse as much in one 12 hour period as she did last night. All over my bed. I wanted to kill her. NOW she's sleeping. What is wrong with cats? Why do they think 9am is the appropriate bed time? Are they all secretly university arts students? Yeesh.

Anyway, I'm off to Rick's tonight. I feel pretty lame, but I need to see him. I miss him. *sigh* I know, I know. Also, he'll get to take care of me, tonight, too, which he likes to do. I never let him, usually prefering to suffer alone in silence. We're going to watch "The Princess Bride", too, which is nice, cause he wanted to watch "Aliens", but I've been sort of in bad spirits, and he knows how much I love TPB. Awwww.

I'll have to come back to my place in the morning to get ready for work at Heretic. I'll have to dress nicely, too, because from there, I'm heading straight to Susan's house (an old friend from highschool). From there, we're off to Holy Blossom Temple to go to a special Hanukkah service for 20-30ish people. Wacky. I haven't been to synagogue in something like eleven years.

School is wonderful today. I think I can safely say that I've gotten the hang of basic modeling - both NURBs and polys. I'm so excited. Alloisius is ready to be clothed ! His ears are perfect, his mouth can open now, he has nostrils, and his shoes look a bit more shoe-like now. And he looks so unimpressed. With everything ! Daniele just went over how to model eyes with me just. One. More. Time.

Things are progressing beautifully. I'm proud !

Fog. Lots of fog today. I like fog, generally, as it obscures everything and gives an air of mystery. Fog is like a bridge between realities - I think it allows people to cross over into other realms. That concept has been with me since childhood. I was so pleased back when I first read "The Mists of Avalon" because that is exactly what M.Z.B. did with fog in her novel. Anyway, it's a mysterious day. Not Christmassy, still, but nice. Since it's still way too warm for snow, I'll settle for fog. I'd rather have snow now, but well, I'm not in control of the weather.

I mailed off my packages today, so now all I have to get done are my cards. I fear I'll be a little late on the Hanukkah cards, this year, but what can you do? It all sort of snuck up on me really fast, what with all this warm weather. Christmas is only 20 days away, which is crazy ! It's been this way for the last month. Everyone has been putting off their shopping and general festivity for the same reason... it's damn warm ! This shopping thing doesn't really apply to me, however; as I start mine in August. I've got my gifts for Rick, Megan (the one in Toronto), Tracy, and as I said, I've mailed gifts to my sisters and Megs-in-Philly. I've got to burn some discs for some of my MUD friends, and finish shopping for Mom, but I'm pretty well all done. Go me !

It's a school day, today, and this is where I am. I got a lot of excellent work done on Alloisius this past Saturday, but I need to fix his shoes and I need to detatch and reaffix them...

**time lapse of 15 minutes**

Okay, I just got help from Daniele and now Alloisius' ears are sexy. I'll tweak them a bit once I've finished fixing his shoes. I'm not sure I've said, but I've applied to TA here next semester. I think I'd be a good one, just because I learn differently from everyone else so I bring an alternate kind of thought process to the programme. Not since highschool (yes, I did like Northern) have I enjoyed school. I love it here. I love what I'm learning, and I love the people. There were hardly any individual classes at UofT for which I could say the same.

I can name off the professors and their courses that I really enjoyed, and when you realise how many credits I graduated with, you see how few and far between the enjoyment was. There was Patricia Howard and her Shakespeare and After class, and EVERY class I had with Alexander Nagel, and with Mac Johnston, and Nicholas Turpstra's social renaissance histories, and Margaret McGeachy's English 101, or whatever number it was. In five years, that's not so great of a record. Ten courses out of the 35 or 40 that I took. Congrats, UofT, on nearly optimum suckage.

There's a good deal that I can write about today, but I haven't really felt much like writing at all. Does that make me suck?

I woke up to the unpleasant news that Israel is retaliating in no uncertain terms against the Palestinians. I wonder, will it ever end? How can two groups of people despise each other so much? Or is it truly a situation where they have been fighting each other for so long that they don't even know how to relate? It saddens me.

On a positive note, I wrapped up my sisters' presents for shipping tomorrow, as well as my friend Megan (the one in Philadelphia) 's present. I did a half assed job on Megs' gift, but she'll understand. My attentions are better placed on other things than whether I can find wrapping paper. I don't have my Christmas lights on tonight, though, because I don't really feel very festive.

I'm not in a bad mood, per se, but I'm thoughtful, pensive, perhaps. The best remedy for that will be sleep. I'll do that soon. I'm just presently downloading some medieval music and gothic music (specifically trying for a song called "Lady Rosenred") and I'll go to bed soon enough.