Autumn

It's here, the fall, that is. The leaves have turned their yellows and oranges, have browned and curled, and in most places they've fallen from their branches. Tomorrow, the last of the 2007 cruise ships docks at Skagway, then the stores will be shuttered to wait out another winter. The days are shortening at a pace - the harsh price of those blissfully long summer days. The nights are frosty and the flowers in their planters are starting to wither. My strawberries, on the other hand, seem to be doing really well. I shall let them go dormant for a time once the cold really sets in, then I'll bring them inside and give them a start so that they may fruit earlier in the season.

The rain has been falling for the last several days, and at higher altitudes, the rain is replaced by wet snow that seems surprised that it can last more than a few seconds on the cold ground. There is a thin blanket of snow on the mountain tops already. The feel of the days reminds me of early November in Toronto, the drab days before winter decides to set in. The difference being that in Toronto, sometimes the winter never makes the decision. Here, on the other hand, snow will be a permanent feature come Hallowe'en.

My longing for the Cottage has passed with the ending of summer. I have to hope that next year I will visit. Two years away is too long. My longing for Christmas holiday at my mother's has not started yet and when it does, I shall be disappointed. I will make do with a short visit home in that drabbest of times, late November, and will enjoy it to the fullest. For now, all I really want to do is sleep, tucked up tightly with my cats, and wait for spring once more.

Summer's over

"Hot town, summer in the city, back of my neck gettin' dirty and gritty..."

That Lovin' Spoonful song is like an anthem (it's on the radio right now, forgive me) and there was a time I knew summer was come when it would get semi-regular playtime. It makes me a bit sad that I didn't get any real "hot town" weather this summer. I enjoy it for about a week every year, and then I want it to die. Well, although it reached the mid-20s here on several marvellous occasions, summer in the southern Yukon is a mild and fairly pleasant affair.

However, it's over now. We're probably dead centre in the glories of autumn now. The trees have been turning since the end of August and some trees are starting to look kind of bare. Within a week there might not be any leaves left at all. I've taken advantage of the fine weather a few times to go get some photography done. I can look forward to real frost, soon, too. We've had some patchy frost a couple of times, but later this week, it looks like the nighttime low will dip below 0.

As there will be no trips home for Christmas or to Wales (ever again?), I jumped at a seat sale and bought myself a plane ticket to visit LA over the Thanksgiving weekend. Now my Godmother, Liz, cannot complain that I don't visit. I know she'd kick my ass if I moved off somewhere else before visiting her. Her son, Orson, is apparently looking forward to seeing me again, too. They haven't seen me since 1996, when he was something like 8 or 9 years old. At the time I was quite fit from working with horses and at the stable and I picked him up and tossed him around like he weighed nothing. I hope he realises I can't do that to him any more ! Anyway, I'm looking forward to that trip.

Maybe in LA I'll get a delayed 'hot town' gritty summer. That would be nice.

Emotional Me

I wrote a poem tonight. The thing about me writing poetry is that it rarely happens and I'm either intensely hopeful/happy or deeply troubled. I can count on both my hands the number of poems I've written in my lifetime. The best, and sadly long-lost, being the one I wrote after spending a strangely special night with a musician that I didn't quite date. But I was hopeful. Tonight's probably isn't very good and it's pretty depressing. I guess the kids nowadays would call it 'emo' or something. ;) I really hate that term. But it is pretty emotional and it's sure not happy.

For myself and for him, I've decided to think in terms of being single. Gareth needs the space to do what he's got to do and I need to get over being heart-broken all the time and hoping for a future that may not come to pass. I need to get on with things. I'm reminded of that year when Tracy vanished from my life... Of course I want for this to end similarly, with it all working out the way I hope and pray it does. I'm setting myself up for disappointment, though, so I'm trying very hard to move on. I need to put the same emotional distance between us as he is, I need to free myself and prepare for a different future than I'd wanted.

No easy task.

Anyway, I'm not going to share my poem. It's private. But I'm not looking forward to another lonely winter in Whitehorse, that's for sure.

Instead, I'll give you the incredibly apt lyrics from the Mika song, Happy Ending:

"Happy Ending"

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love [repeat]

I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Self expression

I did art tonight, rather than my essay or sleep. It's 5am.


Seeking Solace - 2007 by *Mambolica on deviantART

It's neat, because I don't usually do digital art and this is worked out entirely on the computer with stock images and serious reference stuff, and I painted it in photoshop7.

Call it escapism. It's my RoD character, Suliss, as an elder priestess, knowing her time is come. Yup, I think I'm killing her off.