Okay.

Bit of a warning before I go on: If you are a rampant Creationist (or "Creation Scientist") you should probably leave now before the mockery becomes too great. Also, I have to appologise to my friend who is doing mission work in Japan. If he ever reads this, he might come to hate me, which I sincerely hope he won't because he's a good guy. Anyway, I present to you: .OBJECTIVE: Christian Ministries

Some of my favourites include the Creation Science Fair. Because, there's a lot of objective science involved. My favourite, from the Middle School awards: 1st Place: "Life Doesn't Come From Non-Life" ~ Patricia Lewis (grade 8) did an experiment to see if life can evolve from non-life. Patricia placed all the non-living ingredients of life - carbon (a charcoal briquet), purified water, and assorted minerals (a multi-vitamin) - into a sealed glass jar. The jar was left undisturbed, being exposed only to sunlight, for three weeks. (Patricia also prayed to God not to do anything miraculous during the course of the experiment, so as not to disqualify the findings.) No life evolved. This shows that life cannot come from non-life through natural processes.

Another favourite: Hallowe'en Reclamation. How can you reclaim something that was never really yours? They forget it was Pagan first. Here's an excellent example of what you can find out about Hallowe'en Reclaiming, Some of my fellow Christians have questioned whether HalloWitnessing is a good idea. Their main concerns are that some Christians might mistakenly embrace the darkness of Halloween in their attempts to reclaim it. ... "BOO! I'm John the Baptist, and these are my many exciting exploits..."

And, finally, you REALLY must check out their store. If I had money, I'd buy the Mr. Gruff, Grumpy Atheist mug, the Ruby Matrimonial thong (ya, that's right - you can find Ruby on the 4kidz page) and the incredibly offensive Habu the Hindu elephant missionary tote bag. I think I'd buy the tote bag for Aman. He'd appreciate it in a sick sort of way.

I sincerely hope Jesus has a sense of humour. He's going to need one, and a lot of patience, if these folk are actually going to get through the golden gates. I suspect eternity in Purgatory might be good for them... for the type no one quite knows what to do with.

I'm done being offensive now.