Emotional Me

I wrote a poem tonight. The thing about me writing poetry is that it rarely happens and I'm either intensely hopeful/happy or deeply troubled. I can count on both my hands the number of poems I've written in my lifetime. The best, and sadly long-lost, being the one I wrote after spending a strangely special night with a musician that I didn't quite date. But I was hopeful. Tonight's probably isn't very good and it's pretty depressing. I guess the kids nowadays would call it 'emo' or something. ;) I really hate that term. But it is pretty emotional and it's sure not happy.

For myself and for him, I've decided to think in terms of being single. Gareth needs the space to do what he's got to do and I need to get over being heart-broken all the time and hoping for a future that may not come to pass. I need to get on with things. I'm reminded of that year when Tracy vanished from my life... Of course I want for this to end similarly, with it all working out the way I hope and pray it does. I'm setting myself up for disappointment, though, so I'm trying very hard to move on. I need to put the same emotional distance between us as he is, I need to free myself and prepare for a different future than I'd wanted.

No easy task.

Anyway, I'm not going to share my poem. It's private. But I'm not looking forward to another lonely winter in Whitehorse, that's for sure.

Instead, I'll give you the incredibly apt lyrics from the Mika song, Happy Ending:

"Happy Ending"

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love [repeat]

I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.