Without a Trace is one of those television shows that I watch mostly because my mother likes it and that way it kind of counts as quality time. That's not entirely fair, I actually do rather like the show. It has good characters, it's well acted, and the stories can be quite gripping. Last night was one of those stories. The plot concerned an eleven year old boy who went missing from his elementary school. It wasn't really about his disappearance, though, but about the bullying that went on in his school, principally the bullying doled out by the girls in his class. It was very well handled, and very honest.

And it was very powerful. Years after my own experiences with classroom bullying, experiences that I have never burried, nor forgotten, that have remained with me in everything I do in life, this story affected me deeply. I don't wallow in the past, and I have risen far above the abuses to become a strong, able, beautiful woman, and those experiences have helped make me who I am. What I did not expect was bursting into tears at the close of the episode, my body wracked by convulsive sobs. This took me entirely by surprise, having, for the most part, watched the show through a veil of detatchment (I had been painting dough ornaments).

It was a long time ago, as my mother said. It was. A long time ago, but sometimes still pretty fresh. I don't doubt that the abuses I suffered (and it was abuse, no question there) made me who I am today, or at least influenced me. I deeply value honesty and integrity, fair play and kindness. I look for those things in my friends and I try to be a good person. Bullies are both boys and girls, though sometimes I think that the attacks made by girls are far more subtle and venomous, therefore more vicious than the black eyes and hazing by boys. I don't know. With boys, I knew where I stood and a well placed fist usually did the trick. Anyway, I commend the writers of Without a Trace for taking on a subject more often brushed aside or totally mishandled by adults and the media.

As for the bullies in my life, I tried googling them and came up empty handed, which, no doubt is for the best. And I know that if they haven't been paid back in karma yet, one day, they will be. Even if I never know about it, and frankly I don't, I have the satisfaction of knowing that in the end, I am the better person and despite all their attempts, I have won.