"You mock my pain !"
"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something."
This weekend has been an exercise in pain. Sometimes, for the sake of ourselves, we put our own needs above those of others. In my case, I have put my personal needs above that of the mutual needs of myself and Rick, the unit. Let me be perfectly clear now, I love Rick. He is a huge part of my life and has been for just about three-and-a-half years. For well over half of that period of time, I have been battling depression. I need to remember how to be well again, healthy within myself. Life is full of stress and strain, yours, mine... from time to time we all experience it. The quest of discovering who I am and how I fit into the world takes a lot out of me. I need to do something that I've been meaning to do for a long time and that is to re-evaluate my place, my understanding of Self, of what it means to be me. It is selfish, I suppose, to demand solitude for this, but I cannot be completely sure of things while I am constantly balancing a relationship, even one as stable as what I have with Rick. So, for the time being, I have asked him to forgive me and let me take the time I need for myself. Rick is often surprisingly mature and has accepted this request. His response makes me respect him even more than I already do. Thank you, Rick.
In other news, I had an interesting misadventure yesterday. I went to the Petes with A&C so that I could pick up Scarlette. I was picked up from York Mills station at 10am, where I'd been waiting for half an hour. Unbelievable; at no time have I ever gone anywhere from my house in under half an hour. I live off of the worst rated bus route in Toronto and my other option is the streetcar, which, though reliable, often takes a long time. Fully expecting the trip from my house to York Mills to take an hour, I left just before 9am. I immediately caught the streetcar, followed by connecting right away with the subway. I made the trip in 27 minutes. !!! I digress. We stopped at Carrie's parents' house in Lindsay first, where I was well fed with lasagna and looked at photos of her parents' trip down East. Then I was dropped at Mom's house in Peterborough where I gleefully ran a bath.
Whirlpool done with, I set about tending the garden. I watered plants and moved sprinklers, fed the fish and picked tomatoes. It was very restful hiatus in the emotional rollercoaster ride I'm currently experiencing. Finally, ready to head back to Toronto, I go and turn on Scarlette. Only she doesn't start. Rather than hearing the engine turnover the way it ought, it sort of... wheezed out. Brrrrr-wa-waaa-wheeeeeeeeeze. I tried to start her several times over the next twenty minutes but each time it failed. Once, it sounded like she was about to turn over, only to splutter and sigh. Drat. Next time, I'm taking my car to the cottage, rather than leaving her at Mom's where she'll sit idle in the driveway with nothing but the humidity to twiddle her bits. So, I ended up joining A&C on the way home, too, but any plans I might have had last night were utterly skuttled.
Anyway, there are some stories from the cottage that I have yet to share, but I'll save those for tomorrow. Now I need a nap and then I have to prepare for an interview tomorrow.
Ichi - "That one with wisdom"
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What would your Japanese name be? (female)
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