PhD is taking a back seat

I have a lot going on in my head and a lot of ideas for research and projects.  Some of this can and will be fulfilled in some manner through my work, curating exhibitions, or researching things.  A number of them may be better followed through independent research or projects.  These could be independent curatorship, or committing some of my research into book form.  And others, a few others, might be best realised through the dedicated scholarship of doctoral research.  The problem remains, as always, that there is no museums programme offered by a Canadian university.  There are a couple of interdisciplinary programmes into which I might be able to adapt my ideas to fit, but mostly I have to recognise that in order to pursue doctoral research here, I probably have to adapt myself into a history department.  I love history, but I don't think I want to do a standard history degree.  What I'd really like to do is continue along the academic trajectory I began at Leicester, which, realistically, is outside of my financial abilities, at the moment.  This leaves me feeling a bit lost and unfocused.  Yes, a PhD could help focus me.  But I just can't shake the feeling that the real reason Trent rejected me is that they could sense my passion wasn't entirely where it should be.

I've been mulling this over pretty heavily for the last week or two, and here at my mom's for the weekend, recovering after a very busy exhibition installation and Doors Open, I've been thinking about it some more.  Work feels like it's progressing in a positive way.  I feel like I'm on the way up.  I get good press, I am a pretty good ambassador for the Museum, and mostly, people like the shows I put on.  I'm hardly shooting for a promotion, but I really feel that I've developed a sense of my work, the community I represent, and am an excellent advocate for heritage and history.  There's a lot I can accomplish in my current position and I don't think I've dug very deep.  A little more experience doing what I'm doing and perhaps I won't even need a PhD to start teaching.  I keep my eyes open all the time for speaking and teaching opportunities.  I'd like for them to start paying, but I'll take what I can get.  Anyway, I really would like to be able to put Dr. in front of my name, if only so that the option of moving to a larger institution is open to me, but it's not necessary.  I imagine I am not done with the contemplation and I may yet change my mind, but if I put it off for another year, it's not so bad as all that.

Life changing decisions are much easier to make when I'm miserable.  And I am definitely not miserable, which is a good thing to be sure.

In other news, and completely unrelated, here's a thing I photoshopped tonight.  

 

So, all thanks to this Winning at Everything post, I spent an hour of my life doing this, turning a somewhat horrifying picture of Mark Hamill into a somewhat hilarious picture of Mark Hamill as a hipster.  All while I was watching TV with my mom, who was mostly sleeping.  This is the kind of stuff I get up to when I have time to myself: musings on my life and photoshopping crap. 

This, folks, is a life well led.  I have no regrets !

Those Pesky Life Decisions (part two)

My summer was great, how was yours?

In all seriousness, my summer was pretty fantastic. Although we didn’t go to England and I didn’t get to attend my graduation at Leicester, we did go to my cottage. My mother bought the place 42 years ago and we have steadily used it ever since. Glenn likes it there and, of course, I adore it. We packed up the cats and hit the road for Quebec, spending almost two weeks in the forest by a lake. It was the first time in a long while that I was not actively working on a project while there. Last year, both visits were spent heavily focused on my dissertation (which if I didn’t mention before, received distinction) and the previous year I was definitely doing other school work. This year, while I did do some research for work, it was leisurely and enjoyable and not the sole purpose for my seeking solitude.

There were visits with family and friends, old and new, dandling of babies on my knee, trips home to see Mom, long hacks on the horse and a couple of divine days spent at the beach. Sure, I was busy at work, what with an exhibition looming in September, and my stress level was rising, but I was able to mostly burn it off in positive activities such as rec-league softball and multiple birthday celebrations.

And then it was over.

Quite suddenly, it seemed, summer was over, the days were growing shorter and my deadlines were rushing at me and piling up at my feet. These responsibilities, mainly of a professional nature, left me with little time to work on the PhD applications I was planning on getting underway. As of today, I have managed only to secure one referral confirmation and have emailed one of the universities I will be applying to in order to set up a visit or interview with the department. That would be Dalhousie University, located in Halifax, Nova Scotia, for those following at home. Dal is a very good school and it offers a unique interdisciplinary PhD programme that would, I think, suit my purposes very well. As it happens, Glenn and I are going to Halifax in eight-days’ time to visit a friend and I am hoping to check out the campus and meet with the programme co-ordinator. Glenn adores Halifax. It’s his favourite city. Excluding an unscheduled stop-over on a flight to Holland some twenty-six years ago, I have no experience with it, but I’ve heard really wonderful things.

The other school to which I am assuredly applying is Queen’s University in Kingston, ON. They have a PhD in Cultural Studies that is interdisciplinary in its very nature and apparently similarly structured (or could be) to the programme at Dalhousie. The added feature of going to Queen’s is that I could possibly mesh my studies with the conservation/museum studies programme there, and potentially develop projects in conjunction with their incredible costume collection or the Agnes Etherington Art Centre. This is a stronger point in its favour than working with the costume history programme at Dalhousie. Anything that actively connects social history and material culture with museums is favourable.

To this date, I have not yet done anything about my application to Queen’s, but I will probably sort that out before we leave on vacation. Queen’s requires a letter of intent before you apply, which kind of frightens me. Queen’s has very high standards, and even though I am a professional museum curator and received my MA with Merit from one of the UK’s top-five rated universities (several years in a row), I still think of myself as a lazy underachiever. It’s safe to say that although I have periods of weak work-ethic, I am far from an underachiever and, indeed, take great pride in my work. Still, a PhD is a big deal and I can’t help thinking that because my MA was done by distance (which in my belief is actually harder than doing it on campus) it will seem somehow lesser of a degree. That’s right, I haven’t even sent them my letter of intent and I’m fretting already.

Even though the admissions office stresses that you do not need to submit a research proposal and that you merely need to state the area in which you plan on researching, I feel I’m at a great disadvantage because I do not know what I want to study, except the vagaries of wearable material culture from within a Canadian context, and the challenge of creating a balanced, representative collection. Or, sometimes I still think about returning to the work I was doing with Native beadwork in the Yukon (which could form part of this, I suppose), or perhaps the interplay of cultural strata and questions of form versus function in early Canada.

And then, when it all becomes so frightening that I find myself balking, I think about staying where I am and writing books about the museum collection here. Except there isn’t any money in the budget for it, so the chances of getting a publication of note under my belt while working for this institution are pretty unlikely. At that point in the thought process, I mostly just want to go home and curl up with my cats and a video game and switch off my brain all together.

Coming up in what will surely be part three of my Pesky Life Decision posts, I’ll talk about the application process as I’m slogging through it.

Summer School

Leicester Day One

It’s pretty weird sitting in a hotel in Leicester, having just eaten possibly the most delicious lamb korma of my entire life, watching Field of Dreams on TV.

“Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?”
“I’m going to beat you with this crowbar until you go away.”

For some reason, Field of Dreams has come up several times in the last month when, beforehand, I probably hadn’t thought of it in a few years. It used to be one of my all time favourite films and as I watch it again now, I’m thinking maybe it still is. I’ve already cried twice. Man, that scene when Shoeless Joe first is on the field blows my mind.

Anyway, the weather sucks as does Gatwick Airport. The train was on time and comfy. It seems my ticket was for 1^st class, which was neat. Leg room and tables is nice.

After a short nap, but longer than intended, I called one of the staff in the Museum Studies department to find the pub where some of the students were having an informal meet. I met some of my fellow students and chatted about things.

Now back to Field of Dreams, a beautiful and poignant story about people, dreams, hopes and magic.

Leicester Day 2/3

I am having a marvelous time. It’s a bit weird, being here alone, in an inn, but also quite liberating. I usually stay with people I know when I travel, as I’m graced with friends and acquaintances around the world. I can do what I want and there is no one to judge me but Snuffles, my stuffed bear. And he’s dotty in his old age.

Last night, after a good day of school and excellent lectures, I went with several other students and staff to the pub, the Landsdowne (the same place I went on Sunday night). There was some fine ale imbibed, which on top of a couple of glasses of wine at the quiz/dinner night, left me buzzing merrily. There was chatting and a great deal of flirting, and general merry-making. This after my team won the quiz game, soundly beating the others. What did we win? Bottles of wine ! It’s still sealed, don’t worry.

Today we went into London on our field trip to the V&A. It was stimulating and fun and we got to meet new people as we were split off into groups. We were looking at ideas of Britishness and otherness, etc. Afterward, I went over to the Museum of Natural History, which was fun, and completely different and mindless compared to the working visit to the V&A.

After an Indian* dinner, where we were only marginally under-dressed (and received stern stares from a pearl-and-twin-set-wearing woman) I came ‘home’. I watched a terribly schmaltzy TV movie called The Abduction Club, a frivolous costume drama about love. It had attractive women, more attractive men, horses – what more could I want? It did have one particularly glaring error, however. Based on music and dress styles, it was apparently set in the mid-18^th Century, yet one character stated, and I’m paraphrasing, “Perhaps if there had been more soldiers like Powers, the Americans wouldn’t have won the war.” Oops.

Anyway, it made me lament my situation with Gareth all the more, because I know it’s over for us, no matter how much love we have. Schmaltzy fairy tales are just that.

* I use the term "Indian" loosely. It was Indianish, tasty, but not really great.

Leicester Day 4/5/6

The week has absolutely passed in a blur. It has been an amazing blur of classes, tutorials, workshops, drink, food, laughter and conversation. I have been surrounded by a wide array of intelligent people and from morning until night we have engaged in funny, though-provoking conversations on many subjects. I’ve made friends. I’ve been dancing at the student union pub and club. I’ve been drunk on museums as much as on drink. It has been wonderful. This is what university is supposed to be, I think, the sharing of opinions, debate and banter, research and camaraderie. I don’t know if these friendships will last, but the feelings will and when I feel overwhelmed by the course, stupid, out-of-my-depths, I will remember my time here and recall that I am doing this on my own. I am very sorry it’s over.

Here’s to next year.

PS. You can read more in depth coverage of the week at the Summer School Blog, with many photographs posted by me.